I thought I would put together a 'dream 18' of holes I have played which, given artistic licence on the laws of physics and geography, would make the perfect course. These are not in any particular order either.
One of the most famous par-3 holes in the world of golf and certainly one of the hardest. The prevailing wind is right to left (not ideal for a leftie with a stock right-to-left shape of shot) and there are a couple of brutally deep pot bunkers front right and left. Does have the benefit of slopes left and right to help the ball back on to the dance floor. Can play anything from a 7-iron to a 3-wood.
Incredibly daunting par-3 early on at the borderline-crazy golf course that is Monte Mayor. Squeezed into ravines and mountain sides, this course has a premium on accuracy and this hole is no exception. After piloting your compulsory buggy down the twists and turns of the path, you are faced with a 180-yard shot over a tree-filled river valley to the front of an oval-shaped green that faces you end-on. Love it and absolutely gutted that this course has closed down.
Nothing beats having the dawn tee time on this course. Watching the sun rising over the mountains, the work of the sprinklers still hanging in the air, as you look down from the cliff top to the fairway some 100 yards below your feet. There is no better feeling than crushing the ball out into the distance, watching it as it sails down to the generously wide short grass. Birdies to be tucked into here on this friendly par-5.
Farcically difficult par-4, particularly if you misguidedly accept the challenge to play the full 472 yards from the black tees. The tee boxes are set back amongst a 200 yard tunnel of pine trees and, even from the yellow tees, its a hefty blow to get within a 5-iron of the green as the hole turns to the left and uphill. Add the rough encroaching from the right and a handily located bunker at the foot of the upslope and you are left with a recipe for a wrecked scorecard.
A really lovely golf course that is (slightly) tarnished by the arrogance of the club to which it is attached. By no means a gentle start to the round here, particularly when playing off the back pegs. The hole falls away from you down the hill, with a vacuum-like bunker in the centre of the fairway, before rising steeply to the green. A long and straight tee shot followed by enough club to get up the slope is required if you want to get on in regulation.
Looks like an easy par-3 but the green looks impossibly small from the tee box, high up on the valley side above the hole. There's also little by way of safety around the green as it is perched on its own hill - no choice but to get GIR here.
A relatively short par-4 to kick off the round here - 300 yards, all downhill with a strategically placed pond straddling the fairway about a ton from the green. A couple of big oak trees encroach on the left of the fairway, blocking a direct route to the hole, which means a gentle start with a mid-iron to finish short of the water.
Just a fabulous hole and one which demands no shortage of skill and judgement. 416 tree-lined yards with a full right-angle turn, meaning you can see the green from the tee box away to your right. Local rules mean you can't just smash the ball straight to the green, some 270 yards away - the brook which runs the length of the hole must be crossed twice with your ball, forcing you to play either straight ahead (leaving a long 2nd shot to the raised green) or high and blind over the tree line (flirting with the ditch that cuts through the fairway) to leave a pitch into the green.
A lovely way to finish a lovely, somewhat hidden gem, golf course. 386 yards off the whites, a tight fairway narrowed by bunkers at tee-shot distance, a pond to the left of the green and OOB all down the right hand side all conspire to potentially ruin your card.
One of the most famous, iconic and instantly recognisable holes in world golf. 311 yards off the back pegs with the pond guarding the green - it's a
rite of passage that anyone who plays the course has to have a dip at
hitting the green from the tee. Personally, I'm proud to say that is
something I have achieved. Didn't make birdie, mind.
A 94 yard par-3. 94 yards! On a proper golf course. Glancing at the card, prior to the round, you'd think this is ridiculous and has no place outside of a pitch & putt course. When you reach the hole, however, it is a very different kettle of fish. The green is way down below the tee on the banks of the River Okement, which protects the hole long and left. Short and right is guarded by a 'Valley of Sin' and club selection is almost impossible to call. This hole is a lot of fun.
Luton Hoo is an oddity of a golf course. Originally 9 holes in the grounds of the now-restored stately home, it has been extended to 18 holes relatively recently and, to be frank, the new holes need some bedding down and some tree growth to make it truly special (and be able to justify the green fees). That said, the 13th is a lovely hole. A par 3 measuring a brutal 271 yards off the blue tees (246 for the yellows) and it's nearly flat, so you get no assistance from the ground. Trees guard the green left and right and the view from the box is intimidating to say the least. Love the challenge.
One of the three courses owned by the CS Hotels Group (Salgado & Alamos being the others) and located north of Portimao on the Algarve. A 375 yard par 4 to kick things off, with a large lake to the right and OOB to the left, plus a group of bunkers guard the front of the green, making you question the wisdom of trying to hit the green off the yellow tees.
First of the back-to-back par-5s at the Abbotsley course. At 447 yards off the yellows, it is eminently reachable, regardless of the pond and trees 100 yards in front of the tee, the ditch and hedge crossing the fairway 100 yards short of the green or the small and sloping putting surface guarded by a deep pot bunker. This hole will always be a favourite, having hit driver-6 iron to ten feet on hole #69 of the 2011 Macmillan Longest Day Challenge. Whether I made the eagle putt is irrelevant*.
One of the last courses designed by the late Seve Ballesteros and this hole features a signature design - the final green is enveloped by an S-shaped pond. The tee shot is uphill and, at 365 yards off the visitor tees, isn't the longest hole but you need to get as close to the pond as possible to give you a lofted approach to the isolated, undulating dance floor. A great finishing hole.
This hole is as much about the experience as it is about the layout. The hole is relatively non-descript - 345 yards, all straight with some bunkers in front of the green. Not too much to be worried about, frankly. The experience, however, is something else. As you walk off the par-3 8th, a steward from the clubhouse comes out and will take a drinks/refreshments order, which will then be delivered to you (on a silver platter, naturally) at the 9th tee. A 'Scottish measure' of whisky, with a little water, certainly makes the following holes a great deal more challenging...
A stunning par-3 playing just under 200 yards from the yellows. All uphill, the approach and behind the green surrounded by trees and a large step in the putting surface mean just hitting GIR is a bonus.
OK, I'll admit it. I'm a massive James Bond fan and the only reason this hole makes the grade is due to the Goldfinger connection. A par-4 of 405 yards guarded by a large pond, this hole isn't the prettiest on the 27-hole complex at Stoke Park and certainly isn't the hardest. It's the hole where Goldfinger lost his tee shot and Oddjob 'found' it by dropping a new ball through his pocket. Class.
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